We all know how it goes when you get married: everyone coos over you, wishes you luck, then gives you unsolicited advice. If you're married, you know what I'm talking about. If you're not, you will. Well, it's been four and a half years since I married my husband and we've gone through quite a bit in this short time frame. It got me thinking about all the advice I received so many years ago and how some of it I should have paid more attention to. In particular, here are three things I wish I took seriously before getting married.
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As a writer, we know how crucial it is to make time to actually write. But that doesn't always mean we do, or can for that matter. It's so easy to say, "I'm going to dedicate one hour a day to writing" or "I'm going to write 1,000 words everyday." Both are very plausible goals in theory and, to already successful writers, this may seem like nothing. But for those of us writers who don't have the luxury of making a living off of our craft yet, we have many other responsibilities we have to take into account. In my case: my job, my family, and my schooling. I'm sure there are others who have far more to juggle.
This post is for the writers who struggle to take the time to do what they love, who constantly have to choose responsibility over the pleasure of pursuing their dreams, who still find a way to make it work. This...this post is for us. by: Kyle BeloteHere is part one of "Sex in Writing" by Kyle Belote, author of the Dark Legacy Series! It was so much fun to brainstorm this lesson with him, and learn things from each other in the process. If you would like to visit his social media platforms, please click the links below. You won't be disappointed! Kyle Belote on Facebook (Outpost Dire) outpostdire.com (Author Site) outpostdire.wordpress.com (Personal Blog) omcw.wordpress.com (Okinawa Military Community Writers Blog) Even in writing, sex can be terrible or mind-blowing.
Let me start off by saying that I am extremely honored to have been asked by the Okinawa Military Writers Group to teach a lesson on sex in writing. I actually co-taught this with a fellow author friend of mine, Kyle Belote. The link to his post is below.
Sex in Writing: Part One (OMCW) Sex in Writing: Part One (Outpost Dire) For my lesson, I focused on Sexual Tension, Internal and External Dialogue, Point of View (POV), Taboo Topics, and the Woman Reader/Writer Preferences. Kyle talks on Word Choice, Repetition, Detail, and the Male Reader/Writer Preferences. Without further ado, let's begin! Now that I have a daughter of my own, I find myself forced to watch these girly, princess shows and moviesthat kind of make me want to gag. But, a little dirty secret of mine is that I have been a fan of the Barbie movies since I was a little girl. It's the only girly part about myself. So, a good compromise to break up the Disney montage, is Barbie.
I know what you're going to say, what is so great about Barbie movies? Aren't they just about the same character going through different, and far-fetched, scenarios? Yes! What a lot of people don't realize is that the Barbie movies are actually considered fantasy. What with the different plots with mermaids, fairies, magic, etc., it screams fantasy, as juvenile as it may be. Despite the fact that these films are filled with dresses, jewelry, and drama, they are also great tools in teaching our kids valuable lessons in, not only morality, but educational material as well. To demonstrate this, I'd like to focus on two films in the Barbie vault: "Barbie as The Princess and the Pauper" and "Barbie of Swan Lake". Alright you guys, I put my resolution to the test. When I decided to take this step, I reached out to my best friend, and hair stylist, and asked her for a favor.
There comes a time in every writer's life when they have to make a hard choice, a decision that will affect them for the rest of their career–their genre.
For any category, there are countless genres to choose from. For nonfiction: you've got memoir, commentary, educational, creative, etc. But fiction...comes with genres that have sub-genres under them. If that's not intimidating, I don't know what is. To name a few: fantasy, science fiction, mystery, western, women's, thriller, horror, and the list goes on. Under those, you've got: dark fantasy, dystopian science, murder mystery, civil war western, romance, psychological thriller, and slasher horror. And some of these can actually intersect! How do we choose just one? And why do we have to? With every major change in life, there are good and bad outcomes. Most of the time, we enter into these resolutions with a naive sense of optimism, thinking it will bring joy and ease almost instantly. Well, in case you didn't know, that is not how it works. Case in point... Last weekend, my family had plans to go to the Sakura Festival here in Okinawa. For those of you that are unfamiliar with this tradition, the Sakura Festival is a celebration of new beginnings and the fleeting nature of life based around the blooming of the Japanese Cherry Blossom trees –which runs from March through April. But, since our island is a lot further south than mainland Japan, Okinawa's Sakura Festivals begin in late January and ends in the beginning of March...if we are lucky. Because Cherry Blossom tress have such a short life span, people tend to associate this with how brief our own lives are in the grand scheme of the universe. Thus, we use this time to remember the beauty of life and focus on keeping it that way for the generations after us. But, enough with the history lesson. So, we made plans to go to a Sakura Festival last Saturday. This day had been planned for two weeks because this particular event also included the lantern festival. You may be more familiar with this if you've seen Tangled. Everyone receives a paper lantern and subconsciously attaches something that they wish to "let go of" this year. I felt it would be symbolic for me since this is my year of "letting go." It's almost as if the universe knew this and wanted to test me. When the day started, it was overcast with light showers. According to the weather, the rain was supposed to pass around 1 PM that afternoon and the radar confirmed it. Perfect! We were leaving at 3 to meet up with some friends. It was all working out great. Then, as we were leaving, we noticed that the rain hadn't let up, but both weather apps were still saying the skies were supposed to be clear. We all shrugged it off as we were going to the southern tip of the island and figured we would drive past it. Halfway there, and no change. We check the radar again and, as often happens in Okinawa, we see that a random patch of rain has appeared right over our final destination. Just our luck... Well, as my new years resolution states, I let it go and we continued onward, hoping it would cease by the time we got there. It didn't. But that didn't stop us! We bundled baby girl up and climbed up the mountain trail in that cold, annoying drizzle. One long hill and ten flights of stairs later, we arrived to find that most of the trees there had already started to wilt and the blooms were falling off. Still, no matter! There was food, entertainment, and tents to shield from the chill. We would make it work. And we did! Granted, it wasn't this magical festival that I anticipated, and we had to leave before the lanterns because my daughter had peed all over herself, but it was still a fun experience. We had good food, good company, and a good atmosphere. An older Japanese gentleman spoke to us about his time in the Japanese Air Force, lots of women cooed over my child, and we got to celebrate an important tradition in a foreign land. I was lucky enough to get a few good pictures and had some of my friends, who stayed, take some photos of the lanterns. All in all, the day was cold, wet, and rough. Nothing went according to plan and, a few times, my husband and I took it out on each other. But I'm glad we went. If not, we would have just stayed at home and watched Netflix all day. Not that there is anything wrong with that. I love Netflix, but we live in Japan. Why not explore and interact–immerse ourselves in the culture? When you have opportunities like this, you don't squander them by succumbing to the inconvenience of it all. You make what you can of it and enjoy the time you have. Did I have the best time? No. But will I remember it? Absolutely! And that's what matters to me–the memories. --A.E. Escence As you know, the new year tends to be a time for resolutions. Whether they be personal, health related, etc. that depends on you. But they serve as devices to better ourselves. Normally, I'm not one to take part in this tradition. I've always been a firm believer that if you haven't changed all year, what is going to make this new one any different? But then, something happened...LIFE.
I don't know if any of you know this about me, but I'm a bit of a control freak. I like plans and order and, above all, I like predictability. That's probably why I like writing–the control. But, if moving to Japan has taught me anything, it's that things don't always go as planned. The move to Okinawa brought a lot of good, but also difficult, things. If moving to a new country wasn't hard enough, we found out I was pregnant a month after arriving. While this was a blessing, it made experiencing this beautiful island difficult. I felt like I was restricted on what I could or couldn't do with myself. I had no control over my own body...and that was scary. It didn't help that my pregnancy was anything but smooth. I acquired weekly fainting spells and my hips would pop out of socket every few days. After my daughter was born, it didn't get any easier. I ended up getting muscle damage from giving birth and tried, unsuccessfully, to breastfeed for three months before giving up. I felt a lot of things during this time: exhaustion, guilt, confusion. But most of all...helplessness. I was helpless to provide the necessary things for my daughter, helpless to let my body recover, and even helpless to myself. I had NO control over any aspect of my life anymore. This turned me into an anxious wreck. So much so, my husband started worrying for me. He kept telling me to "get out of my head." 'Cause that's all it takes, right? Over a year later, I've decided to take his advice. It comes as no surprise that we, as human beings, don't take well to things being ripped away from us. It makes us angry and we feel threatened. But, when we relinquish our belongings, we tend to be more accepting of the circumstances. So, I have decided to break out of character this year. Not only am I making a resolution, it involves me relinquishing control. I've decided that I'm tired of worrying. It makes me exhausted and I'm not my best self. So, this is my year of letting go. No more stress about whether dinner is ready by 6:30 everyday. No more worrying about trying to please everyone. No more making myself unhappy by setting impossible standards I could never meet. This year, I take it as it comes. Obviously, I'm going to do what's best for my family, but I don't want to miss out on life because I was too busy worrying about what it may hold. I want my kid to know me as someone who can take whatever life throws at them and turn it into something good. For once, I'm doing something for myself. Experience this with me! I will be posting all of my adventures and events as they come, good or bad. You don't want to miss this! --A.E. Escence |
Hi!A.E. Escence is an aspiring author and published writer. Section
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